Should I lie thousand times, to understand what is truth
Should I step back in silence, to understand what is courage
Should I become a victim of crime, to understand what is justice
Should I watch fellow being crucified, to understand what is pain

Should I praise my superiors, to understand what is inferiority
Should I play a game, to understand what is failure
Should I compete several times, to understand what is talent
Should I scream a billion times , to understand what is anger



Enough of faking my smile

I was never made for this

You taught me to win

but you have made me weak

Running for desire

I was sick of it all

Hoping for a chance to win

I lost with me a thousand times

Learning how to succeed

I made millions to loose their strength

Finally if this is an achievement

I can’t see me in my reflection anymore

Enough of faking the smile

I was always designed to loose

My ship is sinking now

I know not even my self can board it


Phone is ringing,  she can not hear it

White van is advancing, dog is barking

Four people walked in, vivacity walked out

A crate is brought, body was cold

The wind is blowing, a light was lit

Trespassers are passing, relatives are talking

Children are fighting, ladies are laughing

Priests are chanting, people are muttering

God is blamed, heavens are praised

The day was hard, no tears were seen

The sticks are laid,  fire was lit

The time is burnt, ashes are found

A day has slipped, friends had left

A week has passed, relatives had left

A month has gone, children had left

A year passed by, she was diseased



peace that was burnt, down to ashes
faith that was buried, under the heart
wishes that was wished, went in vain
hope that was narrowed, fear of losing

blood that was bleeding, slaughter of innocents
heart beat that was trembling, under blood loss
breath that was stinking, begging to exist
memory that was filled, betrayal of life

life that was dreamt, illusions of living
success that was achieved, failures of others
journey that was made, misconception of existence
courage that was shown, out of desperateness

answers waiting for questions, life waiting for death
smile waiting for tears, farmer waiting for rain
society waiting for solutions, tiger waiting for prey
departure waiting for its arrival, life is equal to death



It started all the way from home, fed up of impressing people who cared for me and the people who are around me waiting for me to overtake so that they can win over me. The first time when i took a pint of beer is at a daba and i never planned to consume it again. Since i failed in my examination and i did not have the courage to disclose it to my parents and think about that i could not get any sleep i got a large MC Donald with the people who failed and the one who passed the examination hosted the party. I started to have it “neat” in our language and my body could not resist, i started puking every were and felt like my worries are going out of my body and had some nice sleep after a while. I slowly got habituated and with out my consigns i became a slave to this in happiness, sadness, loneliness, in shelter, on the streets all i felt was to consume it so that i could make me to sleep. The one question that triggered my mind was why does all the bad happen to me .Slowly started blaming people who were never responsible for this and always thought myself as victim of the evil in my society and never understood that i am one among the society. Became a alcoholic, were i initially blamed society, parents, girl friend, friends, and in the end found out that i am the only one who is left to blame . The initial  worries made me to drink in a group but the lost one made me to drink alone and by this time 4 years passed away and became a lonely drinker and got pissed of at my life and by the loneliness around me, tired of speaking to walls, and living in the shadow of failures and its too dark, i thought of giving up life, one thing i noticed it takes a lot of courage to take of  life if i did not drink, so consumed a hell alcohol and started to cut my wrist with a broken bottle and could not find a sharp knife or a sharp blade since i used to shave with a use and throw razor and the blood started oozing out and it felt like haven to me and ended up in an hospital and i understood the agony it caused to my parents who i never cared for. People started staring me like a loser and no one used to talk to me and they walked away from this psycho and no one walked in my direction. As initially i was a loser, failure, and now waring a new tag of psycho and it troubled me more and no person was there to get me out of this living hell. So in order to hurt my self more or to explore my happiness in me i went in to drugs and i could not stay there for a longer time, because it once almost killed me and by the time i walked out of this it took my 5 years of time and still not able to find a answer. One fine day i walked in to rehabilitation centre and looking people around me and i understood there were many victims who are boys, girls,kids, parents and many more. I slowly reduced drinking since i started to help the people in need and i found some happiness in that, but it took one more year for me to completely stop drinking, and books helped me a lot to come out of it and thinking that i want to be a solution for this problem i quitted and since there are many students like me or many employees like me, your deeds are important to change the world thats all i want to convey and i am not hear to give a message.