ENGINEERING STUDENT DAIRY

SELF SUICIDAL

It started all the way from home, fed up of impressing people who cared for me and the people who are around me waiting for me to overtake so that they can win over me. The first time when i took a pint of beer is at a daba and i never planned to consume it again. Since i failed in my examination and i did not have the courage to disclose it to my parents and think about that i could not get any sleep i got a large MC Donald with the people who failed and the one who passed the examination hosted the party. I started to have it “neat” in our language and my body could not resist, i started puking every were and felt like my worries are going out of my body and had some nice sleep after a while. I slowly got habituated and with out my consigns i became a slave to this in happiness, sadness, loneliness, in shelter, on the streets all i felt was to consume it so that i could make me to sleep. The one question that triggered my mind was why does all the bad happen to me .Slowly started blaming people who were never responsible for this and always thought myself as victim of the evil in my society and never understood that i am one among the society. Became a alcoholic, were i initially blamed society, parents, girl friend, friends, and in the end found out that i am the only one who is left to blame . The initial  worries made me to drink in a group but the lost one made me to drink alone and by this time 4 years passed away and became a lonely drinker and got pissed of at my life and by the loneliness around me, tired of speaking to walls, and living in the shadow of failures and its too dark, i thought of giving up life, one thing i noticed it takes a lot of courage to take of  life if i did not drink, so consumed a hell alcohol and started to cut my wrist with a broken bottle and could not find a sharp knife or a sharp blade since i used to shave with a use and throw razor and the blood started oozing out and it felt like haven to me and ended up in an hospital and i understood the agony it caused to my parents who i never cared for. People started staring me like a loser and no one used to talk to me and they walked away from this psycho and no one walked in my direction. As initially i was a loser, failure, and now waring a new tag of psycho and it troubled me more and no person was there to get me out of this living hell. So in order to hurt my self more or to explore my happiness in me i went in to drugs and i could not stay there for a longer time, because it once almost killed me and by the time i walked out of this it took my 5 years of time and still not able to find a answer. One fine day i walked in to rehabilitation centre and looking people around me and i understood there were many victims who are boys, girls,kids, parents and many more. I slowly reduced drinking since i started to help the people in need and i found some happiness in that, but it took one more year for me to completely stop drinking, and books helped me a lot to come out of it and thinking that i want to be a solution for this problem i quitted and since there are many students like me or many employees like me, your deeds are important to change the world thats all i want to convey and i am not hear to give a message.

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